i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
