Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
