Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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