Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
