There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
