Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I peed while puking? Even better

(1-503): View more from Oregon

Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are

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(503): View more from Oregon

You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!

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(917): View more from New York City

I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.

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(415): View more from California

I have another pimple on my ass cheek.

(420): View more from

I'll be there in 10 minutes.

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(443): View more from Maryland

There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?

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(901): View more from Tennessee

He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.

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(236): View more from

I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.

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