Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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