Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
