were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
