there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All I want is dick and wine.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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