Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
