That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
