theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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