Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
