If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
