Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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