he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
