but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
