this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
