is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
