I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
