shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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