guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm both gender and math confused
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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