I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
