I'm so fucking centered right now
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
