I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
