Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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