This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
