As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
