I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
