You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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