So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
