I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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