Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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