she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
