I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
