I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
