There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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