actually, I'm a sock model
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
