I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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