We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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