ugly people sure do ruin things
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
