how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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