either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
