your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
