After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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