I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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