You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
