According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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