When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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