ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
