We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
