well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
