I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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