My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
